


The Guardian

by nyx_ic



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst, Friendship, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, I promise, M/M, Romance, Self-Sacrifice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-16 04:16:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21264920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nyx_ic/pseuds/nyx_ic
Summary: Buck just wants to help make things easier for Eddie and Christopher since losing Shannon.One day Eddie is put into danger on a call, and Buck sacrifices himself to keep Eddie safe. Buck then finds himself in a strange place with a new face. While trying to return home to those he loves, Buck learns from a new friend and comes to terms with some things he'd been struggling with.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This little plot bunny has been sitting in my Docs for awhile. And by awhile, I mean since Shannon died on the show. But posting it seemed kind of callous at the time. So, I let it sit around for a bit, and then stumbled back onto it about a week ago and decided to work on it for Halloween/Día de los Muertos. It kind of seemed to fit with the themes of the holidays (I mean you have the afterlife and spirits so that makes sense, right? right. ok.). 
> 
> So, Happy Halloween, Feliz Día de los Muertos, Happy Samhain. 
> 
> I think I got the trick instead of the treat on this one lol, this was supposed to be a one-shot. 
> 
> Enjoy the fic! :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This little plot bunny has been sitting in my Docs for awhile. And by awhile, I mean since Shannon died on the show. But posting it seemed kind of callous at the time. So, I let it sit around for a bit, and then stumbled back onto it about a week ago and decided to work on it for Halloween/Día de los Muertos. It kind of seemed to fit with the themes of the holidays (I mean you have the afterlife and spirits so that makes sense, right? right. ok.). 
> 
> So, Happy Halloween, Feliz Día de los Muertos, Happy Samhain. 
> 
> I think I got the trick instead of the treat on this one lol, this was supposed to be a one-shot. 
> 
> Enjoy the fic! :)

There are a series of moments in life. Some occur without significance, and they are infinite throughout life. Then there are those that have the opportunity to define the lives of those that come across them. These are finite in nature and memorable for that reason. They are easy to recall and typically emotionally based. 

Evan Buckley’s life was no exception. On this occasion, it began when the alarm rang out through firehouse eighteen. 

Being the only crew left at their station, ladder one-eighteen’s crew ran to get their gear on and mount up into place. In doing so, they moved with silent efficiency to where their roles dictated they were needed, with the exception of Bobby talking with dispatch regarding the status of the emergency.

After securing all of their equipment and personnel, Chimney pulled the fire truck onto the road, with the sirens set to high as he sped them towards where they were needed.

As Chim dodged between cars and pedestrians, Captain Nash’s voice rang out over the wailing sound through everyone’s headsets, “We’ve got an apartment fire off the freeway. Given that it’s just after rush hour, we can expect that the building is at relatively full-capacity.”

“Do we have any stats on how many units there are?” Eddie asked as he looked at a tablet that had some information pulled up on where they were headed. It was being fed to them from the dispatch control center.

“The preliminary information I received said that there are approximately eighty units in the building,” Bobby called back from the front seat. “This is primarily a family-based dwelling. So we can expect that each unit has multiple residents that may need help evacuating.”

Buck let out a soft curse at the information as he leaned in over Eddie’s shoulder to get a better view at the tablet that now had a set of schematics pulled up on its screen.

Hen glanced up from her own tablet to look at the captain, “Do we know what happened?”

Bobby shrugged with a small shake of his head, “Best anyone can tell right now, the fire originated from the middle of the building. Unfortunately, they were doing some construction work on the water pipes in the complex, which is causing a malfunction in the sprinkler system.”

“It says here that this is a new building, are all of these units even occupied?” Buck queried as he pressed in closer to Eddie to read what was pulled up on their screen.

Bobby paused briefly, looking at the younger man, before pulling his radio back out, “I’ll get dispatch on the line and see if they can’t patch me through to someone who can answer that.”

“How many teams do we have to tag in with us on this?” Chimney piped up from the driver’s seat.

“Ladders two-thirty-six and one-forty-four,” Bobby answered absentmindedly before turning off his truck headset so that he could better hear and speak with dispatch regarding more specifics concerning the apartment building.

Buck felt something along his spine bristle at the teams Bobby mentioned. Struggling for nonchalant due to his proximity to Eddie, Buck managed to choke out, “Two-thirty-six, that’s Bosko’s new ladder number, isn’t it?”

Eddie shook his head. He absentmindedly pressed back in towards Buck’s form along his right side, “Firehouse thirty-six already had three ladders trucks. Her new ladder number is four-thirty-six. They retired the old ladder number after the tsunami, and their captain lost his arm.”

“Well, that’s a relief,” Chim’s chuckle came over the headsets. 

As if feeling Eddie’s questioning eyebrow pointed at the back of his seat, Chim offered a teasing grin reflected in the rearview mirror. He then continued, “Now we don’t have to worry about checking their truck later to make sure you didn’t stow away to go back to your old partner, Eddie.”

Before Buck could fully glare daggers at the back of Chimney’s head, Eddie cut him off with a turn of his head, meeting Buck's eye. “I’ve already got my partner back,” Eddie murmured warmly, “Why would I need to go anywhere else?”

Buck felt a heat curl in his belly as he took in Eddie’s words and gaze. The way Eddie’s head was turned towards him right now was teasing at best. Between his voice and eyes, the words that were said, and the heated pressure along Buck’s left arm, it was all he could do not to lean forward. His eyes unwittingly fell to Eddie’s lips, sitting there in a small smirk. As if knowing what they were doing to Buck, coaxing him closer.

“I got in contact with the management company,” Bobby’s voice managed to jerk Buck back from doing something stupid like kiss his best friend.

The youngest member let out a small cough as he looked literally anywhere but at Eddie. 

“Were they able to give you a report on how many units are occupied?” Buck croaked out. 

His feelings were beginning to seriously compromise his ability to help his best friend. Whether that be at work or with Christopher. 

Bobby nodded as he turned, glancing between the rest of his team and his tablet. “When we get there, I’ll assign you each a floor and give you a headcount of how many people should approximately be in your area. Also, I will tell you which units currently have tenants. Unfortunately for us, they’re spread throughout the building at random.”

“ETA is two minutes, Cap,” Chim chirped from behind the steering wheel.

The team looked out their respective windows as they saw the column of smoke that was rising into the air. A frisson of energy could be felt throughout the truck as they grew closer to the scene of the fire. Everyone took a final moment to collect their thoughts and center themselves as they approached. 

Buck listened to Eddie as he offered up what sounded like a prayer.

On his first glance around, Buck could see that there were a number of people -- who appeared to have been tenants of the apartment building -- gathered outside along the sidewalk with a few various firefighters taking down their information. The second thing that he noticed was that the copious number of trees surrounding the building was not helpful in allowing the trucks to get close enough to help put the fire out. Nevermind using the ladders to be able to reach the upper floors if necessary.

Upon pulling alongside the other two fire trucks from the other fire stations, the members of the one-eighteen piled out to gather around the front of their rig. 

“Okay,” Bobby called out, gathering his team’s attention, “Buck and Diaz, you two head up to the third floor. Start on the south side and work your way towards the north end. There were five families on that end of the floor. They are your priority to start with.”

The pair nodded and trotted off before their captain was even finished issuing his orders to everyone else. 

They headed to a doorway near the south end, where a few stragglers appeared to be stumbling out of. Next to the entrance, stood a man who radiated the same natural authority as Bobby, with a one-forty-four emblazoned across his helmet. 

Buck nodded to the man as they approached the entryway. The man returned this with a nod of his own before asking, “You two Buckley and Diaz?”

Buck watched as Eddie nodded an affirmative to the captain, “Yes, sir.”

The man appeared to get some small amusement out of Eddie’s address towards him. “Nice to meet you, boys. You can call me Captain Abe. Alright, you two are going up to third.” 

Captain Abe directed the pair of them towards the building’s schematics he had pulled up on his tablet, “There are families in units 302, 305, 309, and 318 unaccounted for up there. All of them are a family of three -- two parents and a kid -- except for 309, that one’s just listed as a couple,” Captain Abe indicated to each unit as he walked them through their listed occupancies, before pulling back to look at the two men in turn, “Myself, Captain Nash, and Captain Scofeld will be relaying you updates. Call down if you have questions.”

“I thought that there were five families?” Eddie asked as he reached up to fasten his coat, before turning towards Buck to double-check the levels on his oxygen tanks.

Captain Abe nodded, as he watched the boys bemused, “That’s what we told Nash at last contact. One of the families, unit 313, has been accounted for since then.”

Eddie and Buck each nodded to one-forty-four’s captain as they pulled their protective gear over their heads and secured their masks. The pair then turned and headed into the burning building. A call out of good luck from the captain echoing behind them.

They made their way into the apartment complex and proceeded up the staircase that wound through the south side of the building. 

The first two floors were relatively easy. It appeared as though the actual fire hadn’t made its way down yet. These two floors seemed to pretty much just be filled with smoke. The fire was probably more anxious to work its way upwards, towards where it stood a better chance of being able to feed on more oxygen.

When they reached the staircase connecting the second floor to the third, the pair noticed it seemed to be in the process of catching on fire. The two men exchanged a look through their helmets at the need for them to hustle if they wanted to use the staircase on their way down.

Reaching the third-floor landing, was a whole different scenario than it had been downstairs. Fire licked every vertical surface and even some horizontal. The smoke hung thick in the air that would have made breathing nearly impossible for the firefighters if it hadn’t been for their protective gear. The haze of the smoke also made it incredibly difficult to see more than a few feet.

Buck couldn’t help but think that it felt like stepping into hell. Anyone who was up here would need some kind of miracle to make it out safely.

The pair looked around, trying to get a better look at the doors to try and make out which unit number it was.

“Command to Diaz and Buckley,” Bobby’s voice crackled across their radios.

Buck walked over to the door nearest him. It was completely engulfed in flames, the intensity of it somewhat alarming at the way it was eating up not only the door but also the framing and flooring around it. Needless to say, it made reading any remaining unit numbers on the door incredibly difficult.

“Diaz and Buckley to Command,” Eddie replied back through his headset. 

Buck bent over to get a better look at the numbers that had molded themselves into the door itself. Whatever these digits had been made of, they were clearly not fire-rated and were highly flammable.

“Units 318, 302, 305, and part of unit 309 have checked in.” Bobby called out over the radio, “I say again, units 302, 305, and 318 are all accounted for. One of the women in unit 309 is still unaccounted for. Proceed directly to unit 309. The missing’s name is Irene, partner describes her as petite and blond.”

Buck was pretty sure he had managed to make out one of the digits on the door in front of him. He tried to reaffirm what he was seeing with the information that he had been shown on the tablet downstairs. It was vital that they get this right so that they ended up looking in the right place.

“Diaz and Buckley to Command, we’re heading to unit 309,” Eddie confirmed into the radio.

Eddie turned towards Buck, “Do you know which one of these is unit 309?”

Buck nodded and pointed down the hall towards the left, “The left-hand side are all the odd numbers. Unit 309 should be the fifth door on the left. But I do know that there’s a trash room on this floor with a chute, and that might have been on this side of the hall. We’ll have to look closer when we get there.”

The pair proceeded down the hall. With the way the flames were rising Buck was dealing with increased certainty that this building was not actually a brand-new build as had been advertised, but was instead an old wood building that was not up to proper fire codes. The inkling caused a shiver to run up Buck’s spine as he hoped that he was wrong. Old buildings had a tendency to have a lot more surprises in situations like these.

When the pair reached the door that Buck had previously designated as unit 309’s door, they were once again faced with a door on fire. 

Reaching for the Halligan bar on his back, Eddie looked over his shoulder towards Buck, “Stand back.”

Eddie broke through the door with relative ease. Upon doing so, the pair instantly realized that there was no one alive in the flame-filled apartment. Buck wouldn’t be surprised if this was or was near the point of origin with how intense the fire was here.

He felt something inside of him hurt at the idea of someone having suffered a death like this. If the woman, Irene, had been trapped in here, it would have been an unpleasant way to go.

Seeming to sense his melancholy, Buck felt a tapping on his jacket, “Buck, look.”

His blue eyes tracked to an open window where Eddie was pointing. Somehow, barely still attached, was a piece of sheet that appeared to be fastened to the window casing in some sort of makeshift rope out the opening and down into the trees outside.

“Diaz and Buckley to Command.” 

“Go for Diaz and Buckley,” Bobby clipped back.

“Cap, it looks like Irene went out the window using some bedding. I’d check on the west side of the building for her. She might even be up in one of the trees under the unit’s window.”

“Command to --”

And then a resounding crash echoed through the building. Eddie pulled Buck back into his arms, as though shielding him from the noise. The two men there stood there for less than a moment, and then they were running back the way they came.

Bobby’s voice rang out across the radio for all personnel to evacuate immediately. Smoke hung thick in the air, making it difficult for Eddie to cut a path out for him and Buck, who was at his back. The sudden falling debris wasn’t helping matters in the slightest.

When the pair came upon the path they had used to come up to the third floor, they found that a beam had fallen and taken out the staircase. 

“Diaz and Buckley to Command, the south staircase is no longer an option. I need a second exit strategy,” Eddie requested, a slight tinge of desperation in his voice as he looked back at Buck.

“Command to Diaz, I’ll have a second exit point to you guys in a second,” Bobby called back urgently over the radio.

Eddie wandered further into the end of the hallway, past unit 309, where the pair hadn’t gone down before. He hoped to gain a better layout of what was ahead of them, knowing that there was nothing for the partners from where they had just come from. 

Buck had crept over to where the staircase used to sit. In the event that Bobby couldn’t find them a secondary exit point, he needed to ascertain the stability of the remaining structure to see if there was a spot that he and Eddie may be able to repel down. This would hardly be either of their first choices, given that the stairway was both unstable and partially on fire. But it would be a hell of a lot better than jumping out a window onto the street. Buck cursed mentally that the truck couldn’t get close enough to the building to bring the ladder as an evacuation option.

The crackle of the radio brought Buck out of his assessment of the stairway, drawing his attention to Eddie. 

The next six seconds happened in slow motion for Buck.

One second, Buck was looking at Eddie. The man was clearly distracted by something down the hallway that Buck couldn’t make out through the smoke. As he did so, Buck saw the beam. One end had been hanging from a precarious position over the walkway in the ceiling, with the other side still attached to the other rafters where a fire burned maliciously. 

In the next second, it was no longer attached, but falling straight at Eddie. Buck knew that it would take longer to call out and have Eddie move. His instincts screamed this at him. The rest of his body, simultaneously agreeing, drove Buck to dive towards Eddie. 

The third found Buck pushing Eddie away from the falling beam with everything that he had in him. It never occurred to Buck that the beam was a danger to him as well. There was only getting Eddie out of harm’s way and getting him home to see Christopher again. To not force that sweet little boy to lose another parent. There was only making sure that he didn’t have to watch Eddie get hurt. Buck knew that there was no way that he could handle that heartache, that anything was better than that.

For a moment, all Buck knew was a blinding pain along his head, shoulder, and where the oxygen tanks dug into his back, threatening to break him in half. He felt the heat creep along the back of his head. His lungs burned immediately, whether it was from the beam falling on him or the sudden lack of his mask and helmet. It was too soon to tell. 

In that fifth second -- while the air was fighting to get into his lungs around the crippling pain of his upper body -- Buck heard a sound of pure, heartbreaking terror that echoed strangely of his name.

And then, all Buck knew was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you enjoyed the fic, let me know in the comments or with kudos <3 
> 
> Or hmu on Tumblr: @nyx-ic (I have no idea how to insert links in here...I swear I'm only *slightly* technologically challenged) :)
> 
> Sidenote to the A/N: if there's anyone who would be interested in beta-ing a longer/multi-chapter Buddie fic lmk either on here or over on Tumblr! :*


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, fun fact that no one asked for: when I originally started writing The Guardian, this chapter was actually the bulk of what my brain spit out in its exhausted state. 
> 
> Having some sort of interaction between Buck and Shannon on the show just always seemed like an interesting concept to me. I just wanted B & S to bond over Eddie and Christopher, after E & S got divorced, while Buddie grew closer, Shannon got to be a better mom with no competitive angst between S & B over the whole situation. (*clearly* I do not ask for much! lolz) 
> 
> Now, *obviously* that did not happen so...ta-da, ya'll get this instead ;-)

“Buck,” caressed a soft whisper.

The voice was the first thing that he noticed. 

“Buck,” the voice called to him again. 

It sounded as though the voice were almost calling to him through water, coming across as disconnected and almost other. As if it did not belong.

Buck found himself trying to remember how to open his eyes. He slowly took his time to take stock of himself, trying to connect his brain to his various body parts. The inventory in total was tedious and seemed to be exceptionally more difficult than he felt it should be. Even when he finally got his fingers, toes, arms, and legs in some semblance of responsiveness, Buck still didn’t feel quite right. It seemed as though his body was slow to respond to what it was he was trying to do. As if they no longer belonged to him.

When he finally opened his eyes, Buck found himself looking up at a vast expanse of blue sky, some green and gold creeping along the edges of his peripherals.

As his vision cleared, Buck was able to take in the details around him. He was able to pick up the different shades of blue that intermingled in the sky above him. The green and gold that had been on the edges of his sight was actually some strange type of grass that Buck was unfamiliar with.

All at once, Buck found himself able to sit up without difficulty. In doing so, he took the opportunity to look around. It was the strangest thing he had ever seen. He found himself in the middle of what appeared to be some sort of field, with nothing but the grass or sky, for as far as he could see. He stood slowly, in the middle of this field, the grass coming up to the tops of his thighs, and looked out across for what had to be miles. Buck turned slowly, unable to locate any identifiable landmarks. There was nary a dip or divet to indicate any real type of topography as to just where he was. It was all just endless.

As he looked around, Buck felt an uneasy feeling settle in his intestines. There was something strange about this place. It was then that Buck realized what it was that had been niggling at his awareness, there was no sun in the sky, even though it appeared to be the middle of the afternoon.

“Well, well, who do we have here?” a voice called out teasingly from behind Buck.

While the noise drew him out of his initial foreboding, Buck spun around, immediately going into a whole different freak out that put him on the defensive at the voice that had seemingly materialized out of nowhere right behind him.

Buck found himself looking at a woman dressed in a white sundress, dark hair curled away from her smiling face. The niggling in the back of his brain was back for a moment before it hit him. Why it was that she looked so familiar to him. It wasn’t from the day he had seen her at the firehouse or when he held her hand as she lay in a crosswalk in downtown Los Angeles. But rather from a picture that sat on the bedside table of her son, where she wore this exact same dress and smile with her arms wrapped around a smiling Christopher. 

As the realization hit him, Buck managed to choke out, “Shannon?” 

“Obviously,” she said with a delighted grin. 

“Oh, fuck. Am I dead?” Buck asked, panicking. 

His thoughts shot to Eddie and to Christopher. He recalled taking Christopher to his first Dodgers game with Eddie, who had caught his son a fly ball and how that had been the first time the little boy had smiled in weeks. His mind flashed with images of them at Venice Beach and Disneyland. He thought of sitting on the couch with Eddie, critiquing the Star Wars movies as the vehement Trekkie that he was, and Eddie moaning forlornly that they could no longer be friends due to Buck’s allegiances. Buck thought of the way they had stood over the grave of the woman before him, the sun beating down on them in a way that had contrasted the somber mood of the occasion. They had already lost so much, and while he was nowhere near the same importance of Shannon, Buck knew that Christopher would be affected due to his age, and his heart broke at the thought. As if unable to bear the heartbreak for the little boy, Buck found himself falling to his knees, staring unseeing into the grasses. His thoughts continued to spiral as he thought of his sister, his family from the 118, and everyone else that mattered to him.

“Relax, you’re not dead, Buck.” Shannon knelt down and rubbed a hand soothingly over Buck’s shoulder, “But you’re also not doing so hot right now either.”

Buck looked at her, wanting to find the truth in her words. “If I’m not dead, then why are you here? Because I’m sorry if you don’t know this, but you’re definitely dead. So I’m freaking out a little bit right now.”

She gave him a teasing grin, “Oh, trust me, getting drilled by a car and being thrown across a crosswalk is a memorable experience. Even in death. So, yes, Buck, I’m very much aware that I’m dead.”

Her teasing set Buck a bit on edge, “You’re in quite the chipper mood for someone who’s dead.” Buck did his best to bite back his tone. Still, her mood didn’t mesh well with his memories of Eddie crying quietly to himself in a secluded area when he thought no one could see him; or how Christopher would cling to Eddie -- and even Buck on occasion -- in tears, with the fear that he was going to lose the two of them next if he were to let go.

“Last I checked, tears and regret won’t bring me back to life. And besides,” Shannon sighed, as she maneuvered herself into a sitting position next to him, “I’m pretty sure I’ve been gone long enough that even if I were able to be brought back to life that I wouldn’t be nearly as pretty as I was before. If you catch my drift.”

Buck winced as he thought about pretty much every zombie movie and television show he’d ever seen. “Yeah, you might be onto something there,” he said with a small chuckle. Her words processed for him a bit more, “Wait, so you don’t know how long you’ve been dead?”

Shannon shook her head, her eye taking on a thoughtful look. “I know it’s been a bit of time. You start to get a sense of time passing. But where I usually am, no one keeps track of things like that. Some try for a little bit, but ultimately there’s really not much point. We’re not going anywhere, and when it’s time for our loved ones to join us, they do.”

“So, what does that make this?” Buck asked as he looked around through the grasses and towards the sky before looking down towards his hands as though they held the answers, “What does that make me?” 

“Ah, well, Evan Buckley, that makes you an exception,” Shannon grinned as she grabbed his attention, turning towards him, “You happen to currently fall in a gray area that I have within my limited capabilities to manipulate.”

Buck quirked an eyebrow at her, his attention returning to her, “And what might those be?”

“I’m here to keep you from wandering too far, Evan,” she said, clasping on to his bicep as if holding him in place. “Wouldn’t want you getting lost.”

“Getting lost? I still don’t understand. Where are we exactly?” Buck looked around at the seemingly endless fields. 

It seemed that there had to be something more out there if he just went in search of it. Whatever it was, it must be something special. It almost felt as though it were calling him.

“We’re in an in-between space. The less you worry about it and think about it, the better.” Shannon explained in a gentle yet firm tone, “I’m worried if you get too invested here, you’ll end up staying.”

“You don’t want me to stay?” Buck asked, with a teasing smile as he looked around. 

For a time, it seemed that all he could see were the waves of grass that expanded out to the horizon. The way the golden grass glinted and mixed with the swirls of blues was mesmerizing, almost hypnotic. The determined urge to try and find something in this vast expanse of endless green and blue creeping along the edges of his mind once more. 

He felt his feet move along -- unable to dwell on his lack of awareness that he had even stood -- following that urge that seemed to lure him further through the grasses. Maybe if he just went a bit farther, he would be able to find whatever it was that seemed inclined to tell him that he should stay here. That this was where he should be, where he was needed. It seemed to call to him.

“This isn’t where you belong, Buck,” a voice murmured from behind him once more.

This time when he startled, it was less aggressively than the first. He still jumped, but there was no sensation of a potential heart attack in his future. Hearing and being faced by a dead woman was apparently something that Buck was able to acclimate to quickly. Which was not something Buck ever thought he would be able to list as a character trait.

“And where do I belong, Shannon?” Buck asked, sounding lost as he continued to look around himself. He absentmindedly noted that her dress was different, it was now pink with white polka dots.

“Oh, Buck,” Shannon sighed, walking towards him as though she wanted to embrace him. “I would think that after all this time that’s passed, where you belong would be obvious. You belong with those that you love and who love you.” 

“What makes you an expert on where it is that I belong? I’m not asking to be an asshole, but it wasn’t like you and I actually knew one another before all this,” gesturing around them.

Shannon gave him a knowing grin, “Oh, I knew you long before this.”

Buck’s attention was now riveted upon her. “What do you mean? How did you know me before this? You and I had never even met.”

“I didn’t have to meet you to know you. Between Eddie and Christopher, how they would talk about you,” Shannon’s voice hitched as her gaze took on a glassy, far-off look as she recalled her life with a bittersweet smile across her lips, “I feel like I’ve known Evan Buckley since I first moved to Los Angeles.”

“Really?” Buck asked hesitantly, “Eddie and Christopher told you about me?” he asked with a grin. Eddie kind of made sense in his mind, the pair of them were teammates for the same ladder truck after all. The idea of being important enough to the little boy to tell his mother about warmed Buck’s heart. 

“I think you’re his favorite person aside from his daddy or Wolverine,” Shannon laughed, sharing the joyous memories of her son dancing in her eyes with Buck.

Buck’s face twisted into a sad, wry grin, “You’re forgetting you. He loves you so much, Shannon. He misses you like you wouldn’t believe.”

She looked at Buck, gaze unwavering as she bit her bottom lip to keep it from involuntarily quivering, “Even now? I know I’ve been gone a while.”

“You’re his mom,” Buck reminded gently, mimicking her earlier attempt at comforting him. “Christopher will miss you until he gets to see you again.”

The air began to settle heavily between the two. Each lost in their own memories of a father and son as they sat on the ground. Both staring off into the vastness before them. 

The alluring sway of the grasses whirling colors into the sky seemed to spell-bound Buck into those memories. He found himself recalling almost everything that he had ever done with Eddie, and with Christopher. 

His mind toured him through his first interactions with Eddie. How he had become instantly enamored with the man, and sought to gain his attention like a five-year-old boy pulling pigtails. Their unerring loyalty towards one another on calls, never with any doubts that Eddie had his back in the field, and Eddie had never indicated that he felt any differently towards Buck. He tried to mentally skate over the looks that would haunt Buck’s dreams. When his mind would try to make it seem like the pair of them could be more. That Eddie actually wanted to be with him. 

Then Buck’s mind traipsed over his memories of Christopher and the way he could seemingly light up Buck’s whole world with his laugh and smile. How Christopher constantly referred to him as ‘His Buck,’ that he mattered to that little boy so much, and that he could be that significant. That kid’s ability to only see the good in the world was something truly spectacular to behold, and damn if he didn’t miss it. Didn’t miss the way the both of them were able to make Buck feel whole and secure.

Buck suddenly found himself slammed back into the present, standing amidst the grasses of the field, something in his mind demanding that it be so. Endeavoring to lighten the mood and shake off the hollow feeling that remained in him, Buck tried teasing his counterpart. “So, you think you know all about Evan Buckley?” he grinned, turning to look down at her. 

It was visible across her face that Shannon had entered a state similar to Buck’s, and his words had drawn her from there. As if suddenly returning to where they had left off, Shannon nodded, a small smile creeping across her lips. “I know, I know all about Evan Buckley,” she tossed up at him. 

“Is that so?” he laughed, “Well then, you tell me what it is that you think that you know, and I’ll correct you when you’re wrong.”

Buck’s wording and his attempts to take her mind off where it had been, caused Shannon’s smile to return with ease. The brunette maneuvered herself so that she could sit cross-legged in her jeans and yellow top within the grasses. She then patted a space next to herself, where she clearly intended for Buck to take a seat. After he had followed her behest, Shannon cleared the last of her melancholy from her throat and began, “I know you grew up in rural Pennsylvania, but after you turned sixteen, you never lived anywhere longer than eighteen months until you landed in L.A. 

“You’ve always been supportive of Eddie and anything he needs. Even if I was around, you were continually one of his biggest champions, and that means the world to him. 

“I know that you were almost a Navy Seal. But Eddie adores being able to continuously give you crap over it and teases you that they’ll never be better than the Army Rangers. 

“You helped convince Eddie to find a better school for Christopher, somewhere they wouldn’t treat him like a kid with a disability that they had to manage and control. 

“I know that your favorite color is gold, but that it used to be blue. 

“I know that you’re the only one in this world that is capable of getting Christopher to eat his vegetables. That was a sore spot for me as a mother, by the way. I was always in awe and jealous of you for that. While simultaneously wanting to invite you over for dinner every night just to make my life easier just so you know,” she turned to meet Buck’s eye, with a teasing smile.

“And that, without fail, you eat cotton candy ice cream with my little boy on Saturday afternoons while watching cartoons. How am I doing so far?”

Buck sat there shell-shocked and at a loss for words at everything that she had been able to rattle off.

“I can keep going too,” Shannon smile widened gleefully, at Buck’s stunned expression.

When the shock wore off at all that she knew, Buck couldn’t help but tease, “Seriously? I know that I’m awesome, but you guys couldn’t think of any better topic of conversation as a family besides me?”

Shannon rolled her eyes playfully. “Trust me, you weren’t my first choice of topics, but I was hard-pressed to get those two to switch topics for long once you had been brought up.”

Her words caused the sorrow from earlier to try and settle anew. “I’m sorry,” Buck murmured, casting his eyes on the ground.

She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion at Buck’s change in mood, “What do you have to be sorry for?”

Buck shrugged, “You didn’t get much time with them to begin with, and then they talked about stupid shit we got up to.”

“Buck,” Shannon chided gently, trying to get the man to meet her eye “I don’t regret any of my time with Christopher or even Eddie. We talked about other things besides you. Of course, we did, but I just wanted to show you that they think the world of you and that you’re important to them.”

“I know that,” Buck whispered.

“Do you?” Shannon questioned softly, reaching up to grasp his bicep gently.

Buck finally looked up at her, “What do you mean?”

“If you know that you’re so important to Christopher and Eddie, then what are you still doing here?” All earlier teasing was gone from her expression, curiosity and distress sitting there instead.

“What do you mean?” Buck meeting her gaze with genuine confusion, “I’m talking to you.”

She grasped onto his arm tighter as though frustrated, “How is staying here and talking to a dead woman more important than getting back home to Christopher and Eddie?”

“How do I get there? It doesn’t look like there’s anything around for miles,” Buck said, looking around as if directions towards home had spontaneously appeared. “And trust me, I looked.”

“Wandering isn’t returning. You go home when you’re ready, Buck. So why aren’t you going yet?” Shannon prodded quietly.

Buck sat there in quiet contemplation with her for a few moments. As he looked across the expanse of the horizon, his brain turned over the memories, the choices that he had made throughout his life, and responsibilities that he has. Logically, there could be any number of things that could be preventing him from wanting to return, but there’s only one that slips reflexively from Buck’s lips, as he meets Shannon’s eye, “Probably because of you.” 

Shannon looked utterly shocked at Buck’s rationale, “Me?”

He nodded in Shannon’s direction as he looked again over this place that he didn’t know. “It’s not fair,” Buck said with a shake of his head before he turned back to look at her. “They miss you so much, and I feel like since I’m here, I have this amazing opportunity to try and get you to come back with me.”

Shannon gave him a sad smile, “The dead can’t be resurrected, Buck.”

“That’s not what I mean,” he said as he grabbed her hand in his. “It’s just that they both miss you so much, Shannon. And I feel like, by being here, I have this chance to bring them back at least a piece of you. Maybe give them something that they’ve been missing all this time.”

Shannon’s eyes filled with tears, as she squeezed Buck’s hand tightly, “Buck, just tell them that I love them. Tell them that I miss them, but I’ll see them again someday. That I promise I will see them again, and you. But until then, you three need to stick together. You need to promise me that, Evan.”

Buck and Shannon’s eyes met over their clasped hands. 

“Keep them safe for me, Buck,” desperation creeping into her voice, as if the words inside of her were desperate to make themselves known, “Try and love Eddie in every way that you can. Please help my baby stay safe, and keep treating him the way you have been -- like he’s your own. Be the support and strength that they need, not just now, but for everything that’s ahead. My death isn’t the only difficulty that they’ll face, Buck. That’s not the way life works, and they’re going to need you so much.”

While he had no problem with and had every intention of honoring her plea, Buck couldn’t help but ask, “Why me?”

“Why not you? Do you not want to?” Shannon almost whimpered, clutching his hand that much tighter.

“Can I be that for them? Why would they want me to?”

“Oh Buck, they both love you more than I could ever put into words,” she professed. “That love that I have seen between you three, and between you and Eddie, is the foundation that I know will keep my son safe, will keep all of you safe. You are someone who can be what they lack, to show both of them how to love again. To continue being the extra support and guidance for Christopher as he grows up. To keep reminding Eddie that he needs to continue opening his heart to you. I know him. He’s going to need to be reminded that just because he lost a friend and his son’s mother in me, that he cannot close himself off to the way he is drawn to you.”

Buck found himself seemingly incapable of processing her words for several minutes. His mind quickly flipped over his interactions with both Diaz boys, but specifically those with Eddie. He found that what he recalled didn’t match up with what he was hearing, “What’re you saying, Shannon? Eddie’s never had any interest in me.”

“You’re so wrong, Buck. Even back when I was still alive, the way he would light up when he spoke about you was mesmerizing. I’d never seen that look on his face when he looked at me, nevermind if I caught him talking about me. But, my god Buck, when he talks about you, his eyes sparkle with this golden hue, and his voice takes on this tone that’s almost reverent.”

“No, that’s not true,” Buck said, drawing his hand away to wrap his arms around his legs, as if physically protecting himself from her words, “You and Eddie were married. He loves you.”

“He loved me,” she said, emphasizing the past tense, “At one point, a long time ago. Sure, we tried to make it work for a time, but ultimately we owed it to ourselves to stay separate. We were getting a divorce, Buck.” 

Shannon paused for a minute, studying Buck’s expression and body language with confusion, “Eddie never told you?”

Buck shook his head. “Guess I’m not as important as you think I am,” he muttered as he stared dejectedly at the ground.

When Buck glanced up at her, Shannon’s face had twisted into one of utter bafflement. He might have even found it funny if not for the circumstance. 

“This was a few days before I died, that’s strange,” she muttered to herself, seemingly walking through the way things had unfolded prior to her death. “We talked about working with a divorce lawyer together and everything. Make the split as amicable as possible for Christopher.

“He was so relieved that we weren’t going to try and play happy couple anymore. He was so excited to start making plans --,” Shannon drew up short, her eyes widening. “Oh no,” she whispered softly, her hands flying to her face in shock at her sudden realization.

Buck’s head snapped up, looking at her, “What?”

“He blames himself for being happy we were finalizing our separation when I died,” her voice quivering, as she ran her hands along her face, “Buck it’s not his fault, I was excited too. It wasn’t just him.”

Buck reached out to her, taking her hands in his, their positioning forcing Shannon to meet his eye. He ran his fingers along the back of her hands in a soothing motion, and coaxed, “Shannon, what are you talking about?”

Shannon looked at him, all the tears from earlier suddenly streaming down her face. “You know how Eddie gets, Buck. He takes on the sins and troubles of the world. It’s just who he is, how he’s wired. Any time there’s a problem, he feels that he has to be the one to fix it. That if there’s something that’s gone wrong, he must have been the one to have set it in motion and that it’s all his fault. If he thought that I died while he was happy that we were getting divorced --”

“You think that he somehow believes that him wanting to divorce you and be happy in some other way would have made you not fight harder to live or that you would have been somewhere else, doing something else instead of getting hit by that car,” Buck finishes for her.

Shannon bit her lip as she nodded, tears continuing to stream down her face. She returned his grip with one of her own, as though trying to physically impress her realization upon him. “Buck, you and I both know that’s what he’s thinking.”

Buck continued to trace soothing circles along the back of Shannon’s hands as he mulled her words over in his mind. Even if what Eddie was actually feeling guilty over wasn’t entirely due to what Shannon had just described, Buck knew that she was definitely right in her line of thinking. 

Buck had already been contemplating that thoughts similar to what Shannon had suggested had been running through Eddie’s mind. Until now, he hadn’t had any of this context from which to base his suspicions. His best friend had been withdrawn ever since Shannon died. For a while, it had been everything in his life; he had been angrier and more sullen. In the last few months, Eddie had slowly just become more withdrawn from Buck. And while it had hurt, Buck understood that everyone grieves differently.

However, if Eddie had been happy prior to Shannon’s death, Eddie would have absolutely shouldered the burden of guilt at her passing. Whether Eddie thought that it was because he was happy prior to the accident, or that he hadn’t been able to pull some miracle out of the sky to save the mother of his child, or some other hair-brained reason that could also have floated through Eddie’s mind at some point. Whatever the reason Eddie believed, he would do his best to punish himself for his perceived failures.

“You have to let him know that it wasn’t his fault, Buck.” Shannon’s words and a gentle squeeze of her fingers, pulling Buck from his thoughts, his attention refocusing on to her, “It was just my time, we all have one. And now you have to go home and help him.”

His heart ached for the beseeching look in her eyes that he felt echoed in himself. He could see how helpless she felt in this other place where she couldn’t help her son or his father. Buck could see the love and adoration that she still held within herself for Christopher. Upon closer look, he could also see the respect and care that she carried for Eddie, an echo of what they had once shared. Those feelings resonated and magnified within Buck at the thought of his boys.

“I will, Shannon,” Buck nodded. “I’ll help him realize that it wasn’t his fault.”

“And you’ll look after Christopher?” her eyes imploring him through her tear-streaked face.

Buck knelt up and drew her into his embrace, hugging her so that her head rested against his chest, “I’ll look after both of them. I promise you.” He sealed his vow with a gentle kiss to the top of her head.

His vow caused Shannon to sag in relief against Buck, returning his embrace with a gratitude-filled one of her own. Unable to find the words to accurately convey her feelings, she settled for whispering into his heart, “You’re a good person, Evan Buckley.” 

They stayed there for a time, holding one another. The duo knelt there, embracing this bond that they shared for another pair. Buck could feel something unique form regarding Shannon for his offered promise, as both stayed there lost in their own thoughts of the boys that surrounded Buck’s declaration. 

After a time, a wind disrupted the previous order of the field, encompassing the pair of them. The force seemed to tug at Buck. This time, it seemed as though the wind sought to take him in a different direction. Buck could only speculate that it was to take him home.

The pair pulled back from one another, neither completely releasing the other at the insistent tugging of the air surrounding them.

Buck looked down at Shannon, who smiled up at him with a bittersweet twist of her lips. 

“How does this work then?” he asked shakily.

Shannon rested her weight back onto her ankles next to Buck, pushing gently on his shoulder with her right hand as she cradled his head with her left. “Just lay down, Buck.”

Buck once more found himself staring up into the swirling blues above him in the overhead sky, the greens and golds of the grasses creeping into his peripherals. This time with Shannon’s face, smiling softly down at him as the wind teased her hair about her.

“I really do wish I could bring you back with me,” Buck whispered.

“You are, Buck. Don’t doubt that for a second,” she soothed as she ran a comforting hand along his brow line. Her touch allowed something in his mind to quiet, and a sense of peace to settle there.

Buck gave a grateful touch to her hand, as he smiled up at her, “I’m really glad I got to meet you.”

“I’m really glad too,” Shannon said with a content grin. “Now, just close your eyes, Buck.” 

Buck shut his eyes to the swirling sky and his new friend’s smiling face. As he felt himself begin to fade away, a whisper carrying him away, “I promise, I’ll be watching over you, Buck. You and our boys.”

And then, all Buck knew was black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think of the interaction between Buck and Shannon! I know this is not a friendship dynamic we ever got to see on the show, so I'm curious on your thoughts.
> 
> I would also like (*constructive*) feedback on everyone's characterizations, plot, pace, etc. I am planning on writing a much longer Buddie fic after this and the ability to do that well makes the process flow easier and what not. 
> 
> Thank you bunches for reading! :*
> 
> Tumblr: @nyx-ic


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, here we go! 
> 
> I hope this resolves in a way that everyone's satisfied with. There were a few different theories about how this chapter would turn out, which I definitely enjoyed reading.
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy the last chapter of The Guardian:

“Buck,” choked out a soft whisper.

The voice was the first thing that he noticed. 

“Buck,” the voice called to him again. 

There was an urgency and desperation in the voice that was calling out to him. Buck was able to tell, even through the fog that clung to his mind, that this voice was urging him to come home. 

That’s what this voice was -- home. 

He surged forward to meet it. In doing so, he almost wished that he hadn’t. In crawling back to that voice that sought to bring him home, he found pain. 

Every breath he took, tore along his torso and faded into a burning in his throat, to bloom again into a pain in his head. 

There was a brief moment when Buck wanted to shy away from what it was he found here. He wanted to go back to the field with the grass, the sky, and his friend. It was safe there. It didn’t hurt. He was pretty sure he could go back if he stopped clawing, and just let go.

Then Buck recalled the voice that had brought him back here. It had wanted to bring him home. Home to his family and to his loved ones.

That recall prompted Buck to make a new attempt to clear his head. He was a firefighter, dammit. He had been pinned beneath several tons of metal and regularly ran into burning buildings. Buck was no stranger to pain, and he would push past it now. 

Slowly, he felt his body come back to himself. He mentally categorized his limbs, getting each one to tick as he went along -- toes, check; legs, check; arms, check; fingers -- before registering a grip that engulfed his hand, and allowed Buck something else to anchor himself in. 

As he sought to try and return the grip, Buck focused on the strength that he felt there.

“Evan,” the gentle timbre murmured, “can you hear me?”

Buck groaned mentally as he worked on finding his way through the last of the film that was wrapped around his mind. He just needed that voice to keep talking. If it kept up, he’d be able to find his way. He just wanted to go home.

There was darkness when Buck managed to tug his eyes open. All he could make out were shades of blacks and grays that come from metal and white surfaces being cast in shadows. His brain tried to process what it was he was seeing while trying to ascertain where he was this time. 

Before he could get too far, an increased pressure in his left hand drew Buck’s attention. With a slow turn of his head, Buck was met with the most heartbreakingly, beautiful sight. 

Sitting beside the bed Buck was currently lying in, holding Buck’s hand in both of his own to his lips, was Eddie. Eddie sat there with his head bent, lips murmuring quickly along Buck’s fingertips. He was murmuring too fast for Buck to make out any of his words in his addled state, except that they were in Spanish. 

Buck took a moment to look Eddie over. From the side, Buck could already tell how haggard Eddie was. Eddie sported five o’clock shadow on a normal day at just about any time, but now he was the most unkempt Buck had ever seen him. There were bruises under the dark-haired man’s eyes, even as they were closed in prayer. And his face was drawn and pale.

‘I’m sorry, Shannon,’ Buck lamented groggily, ‘I’m barely back, and I’m already failing at my promise to you.’

“Amen,” Eddie’s rasp drawing Buck’s attention back. Buck watched as his friend stared down at their clasped hands, felt as Eddie’s fingertips traced some repetitive, nonsensical pattern across his palm and up over to the tops of his hands. He looked so lost, it broke Buck’s heart.

“You look like shit, Eds,” Buck found himself choking out as the last of his mental fog cleared.

Eddie’s head shot up so fast Buck was worried he was going to need to be treated for whiplash. The man was out of his chair, leaning in slightly towards Buck as if not believing that he was really there. Eddie brought a hand up for several moments as if to touch Buck’s face before his hand settled on Buck’s bicep. 

“Evan?” Eddie croaked, eyes darting across Buck’s face as if attempting to take in every detail.

“In the flesh,” Buck grinned.

Buck’s words seemed to trigger something in Eddie, causing the dark-haired man to fall forward on to him, gently pressing his forehead into Buck’s clavicle. “Dios mio,” came the watery voice near Buck’s ear. “It’s a miracle.”

The watery voice caused whatever joke was on the tip of Buck’s tongue to catch in his throat. Eddie didn’t get upset like this, didn’t get emotional like this. The only time that Buck had ever seen Eddie cry was --

A woman in a field flashed briefly in Buck’s mind’s eye. 

Shaking it off, Buck focused on managing to wrap his arms around Eddie’s shaking frame, “It’s okay, Eddie. I’m okay.”

Buck felt more than saw the man on his shoulder, shaking his head. Digging his hands into Buck’s dressing gown, Eddie choked out, “You weren’t though, Evan. You weren’t okay.”

“But I’m okay now, Eds. I’m here now, and I’m okay.”

The two men embraced one another for an indeterminate amount of time. Neither willing to let the other go. Eddie, because he was afraid that when he pulled away, he would find that the whole thing had just been a wonderful dream and that Buck was still asleep. Buck, because he knew Eddie needed him to be there for him. 

Eventually, they had to let the other go because Buck still felt incredibly weak, and even something as simple as raising his arms for a hug was taking a lot out of him. 

As he pulled away, Eddie moved his hand from Buck’s shoulder, trailed down his arm to his hand, where he linked his fingers with Buck’s, unwilling to let go of the other man. Eddie stared at their entwined fingers for a time, seemingly unable to meet Buck’s gaze.

Trying to draw Eddie into a conversation, Buck squeezed their fingers together. The sensation brought a small smile to Eddie’s lips as he continued to stare at their hands.

Attempting another tactic. “It’s okay, Eddie. I’m here,” Buck said softly, running his thumb along Eddie’s fingers.

At Buck’s words, the small smile fell from Eddie’s lips and then proceeded to have their desired effect, as Eddie looked at Buck with hurt and a little bit of grief in his eyes. 

“Yes, Evan, you’re here. In a hospital bed with dozens of tubes and IVs sticking out of you, with machines helping you to function. You’ve been here,” Eddie hissed, gesturing around the hospital room with one hand, the other still unwilling to let go of Buck’s, “for over two weeks in a coma. You’ve been here with swelling in your brain and a punctured lung,” Eddie heaved at Buck.

Despite the harshness of Eddie’s voice, Buck watched as the hurt and distress morphed into desperation and tenderness. 

“You’ve been here,” Eddie croaked, “but you damn sure haven’t been okay. Hell, there were times it felt like you weren’t even here anymore.”

Buck’s mind flashed back to swirling blues of a sky with no sun. Grasses that seemed to stretch for miles almost like fingers beckoning him back. He shook his head in confusion at the vision that swam before him. There was nowhere for him to be when Eddie looked like he was ready to break. Buck needed to get through to him, let him know that he was okay. That everything was going to be alright.

Eddie slumped back into his seat as if defeated, grasping Buck’s hand into both of his own once more. As though holding tight to him in this way would prevent Buck from trying to slip away once more.

“Eddie --” Buck tried, but Eddie cut him off.

“You flatlined four times Evan,” Eddie said to their hands. It was then Buck realized that Eddie kept tracing over his life line. He watched Eddie do this several more times, each pass seeming to release some tension in his shoulders. 

Finally, Eddie met Buck’s eye, “You have died on me four times in the last two weeks.”

“I didn’t do it on purpose, Eds.”

“Didn’t you, though?” Eddie bit out, grasping Buck’s hand tighter still, his touch still wandering along that line.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“You let a burning beam fall on top of you!” Eddie shouted, “You got hurt because of me.”

“Eds --, Buck paused, trying to figure out how to reach the man in front of him. “Don’t do that to yourself, Eddie. I’m not in here because of you. I am in here because of me. Because I saw the beam give way, and I knew that there was only one place for me to be. Between it and you. That was all there was to it.”

Buck’s matter-of-fact tone of voice had Eddie shaking his head in dismay. His focus returning once more to where he held Buck. “You don’t know what it was like, Evan. The first thing that I was able to see as soon as I regained my bearings from when you pushed me was that your mask was lying at my feet. Then I realized this huge, flaming block of wood was suddenly on top of you, trying to engulf your body. I don’t remember much else from in there. All I can remember is the panic that I felt, knowing that I had to help you. Believing that if I could help you, that you would be okay. That you just had to be okay,” Eddie visibly swallowed around the emotion in his throat. 

Buck could make out the sheen in his eyes, even though Eddie was clearly trying to hide the emotion from him.

“I must have radioed down for help because the next thing I knew, I was trying to shove that beam off the top of you, and Hen was next to your head, putting her spare mask around your face, while Bobby brought in a backboard. 

“When we finally managed to get you loaded onto a backboard and taken outside,” Eddie took a shaky breath, a far off look in his eye, as his thumb continued along Buck’s life line, “I swear to God, Evan you weren’t breathing. Then Hen said she couldn’t find your pulse, and my heart almost stopped right there. She got you intubated and shocked your heart. The whole thing couldn’t have taken more than two minutes, tops. But I swear it felt like hours while we waited for your heart to come back on line. 

“You flatlined again on the way to the hospital. That was when we noticed the discoloration in your chest. It was obvious that you had blood pooling in there in a way that it wasn’t supposed to. It was all I could do not to climb in the front of the ambulance and drive you to the ER that much faster, Buck. I don’t think Chimney ever dropped below sixty, but it wasn’t nearly fast enough for me.

“When we got you to the hospital, and they finally got you into surgery --” Eddie’s chin quivered, along with voice as he looked at Buck with bloodshot eyes. 

He tried clearing his throat before continuing on, “Your heart stopped two more times while you were in surgery. The blood in your chest was from your lung being punctured by a few of your ribs. That blood was pooling and putting pressure on your heart, causing it to not be able to beat. The first few days that you were in your coma, the doctors and nurses were worried that your heart was going to spontaneously fail due to having not been able to pump blood properly from the pressure. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared to sleep, thinking that if I closed my eyes, you’d slip away from me for good in the middle of the night.” Eddie paused, eyes beseeching Buck to understand what he’d been through. 

“That was just the start of it. After they had determined there was no other internal bleeding and sewed you up from surgery, the doctors went ahead and gave you a full set of X-rays, MRIs, and CAT scans. That was when they found the swelling in your brain.

“They had to put you into a coma, to try and give your brain some time to let the swelling go down. But even after they were able to release some of the pressure, the doctors told us that they had no way of knowing how extensive the damage would be. That all we could do was pray.

“It was just like before. Someone I care about was lying in a hospital bed,” Eddie whispered brokenly, eyes unseeing as he stared down at the bedding wrapped around Buck. “And there was nothing I could do to make it better.”

Buck couldn’t think of anything that would make it better. Eddie looked so beaten and despondent as he sat there, clinging to Buck’s hand. 

“I’m sorry you had to go through that, Eddie,” Buck murmured.

Eddie shook his head, “I’m sorry that I put you in here.”

Buck finally took his hand back from Eddie’s. Eddie looked temporarily bereft without Buck’s hand in his own. As Buck brought his hand up to cup Eddie’s scruffy cheek, that first caress had him melting into the touch.

“You didn’t put me in here, Eddie,” Buck said forcefully, meeting Eddie’s eye. “A beam put me in here. This was not your fault. 

“It isn’t your fault that I’m in the hospital, just like it isn’t your fault that Shannon died.”

Eddie flinched into Buck’s hand at the comparison. The image of Buck, who he had just gotten back, being compared to his dead almost ex-wife, was one he wanted to physically remove himself from. 

“You can’t carry that guilt around with you, Eddie. I won’t let you do it. Not only because it’s not healthy, but because you don’t deserve it. You did everything you could for Shannon, and I know you did everything that you could for me. I’d be willing to bet that a big part of the reason I’m alive is because of you.”

The dark-haired man pulled away from the hand that had continued to stroke his cheek. It was apparent from the shaking of Eddie’s head that he didn’t agree with the words that Buck was saying. 

Eddie looked around the room for a brief amount of time, seeming to try and string his thoughts together. “When you were lying here, all I could think about was how I regretted that I’d never told you how I felt. I don’t think I could have handled being left with those kinds of regrets again. I was worried I’d never get the chance to tell you how I feel. 

“I know that I haven’t been able to since Shannon died. It just seemed like if I moved on too soon after, it would be disrespectful to her. I couldn’t do that to her. She was such an important part of my life. I’m sorry that I’ve been distant since then.” Eddie’s eyes seeming to beseech forgiveness, as he took hold of Buck’s hand once more, “If I’ve made it seem like I don’t care about you, Evan.”

“It’s okay, Eddie,” Buck soothed. “She’s the mother of your son. Christopher is going to ask about her and talk about her for the rest of his life. I know that you two were getting a divorce, but it’s still alright to miss her. I’d worry more if you didn’t, or pretended that she wasn’t important. Because she was.”

“You’re amazing,” Eddie murmured. He smiled at their clasped hands, seemingly reveling in the touch. “You are one of the most important people in my world. I couldn’t bear to lose you, Evan. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Eddie’s words caused something in Buck’s heart to swell and a series of monitors in the room to suddenly stir to life. Hearing Eddie say this, returning Buck’s feelings like this was indescribable.

Buck leaned toward Eddie, sure that his lips were quirked in a dopey love-sick grin, “Well, thanks to you, you won’t have to find out.”

They stared into each other’s eyes, time suspending itself. Deep blue traced gold, and rich brown chased cerulean. Both of them eager to follow the other to wherever he may go.

“Evan --”

Buck nodded at the unasked question. And then, Eddie’s lips were pressed to Buck’s. The lighter-haired man was enraptured in the taste of coffee on Eddie’s tongue and the rough scratch of stubble that sent shivers down his spine. He could make out the faint notes of sandalwood and smoke that seemed to be infused in Eddie’s skin. It made Buck think of rainy mornings, afternoons at the beach, and cuddling on the couch.

Buck smiled into the kiss as he felt Eddie lean in towards him, seemingly just as eager to be close to him as Buck was to be near Eddie.

Eventually, the protestations of the hospital equipment prompted the two men to draw away from one another enough to be able to draw a shared breath. 

They sat there, wrapped up in their exchange with one another. 

Buck watched as the gold danced along the warmth of Eddie’s eyes. He never wanted to leave the affection that glowed in that hue. Buck observed as Eddie seemed to turn something over in his mind. He would never tire of being able to watch the man he loved like this, with no concern for having to guard his attentions.

Suddenly, Eddie’s forehead scrunched up in confusion. As he opened his mouth, a knock sounded at the now opening door to the hospital room.

The pair looked towards the sound and saw Carla poking her head around the door. 

As her eyes fell on Buck’s form, her eyes lit up in excitement. She turned her head back around, but the pair of men heard her say, “Christopher, it looks like there’s a surprise in there for you.”

The mention of the little boy’s name had Buck sitting up straighter in his hospital bed, trying to look less like he had just been in a coma for the last two weeks. He immediately started looking at the many tubes and instruments attached to him and trying to decide how fast he could detach them to get to Christopher.

As if sensing Buck’s impatience, Eddie stood with a grin on his face. As he walked towards the door, Eddie threw a smile back over his shoulder towards Buck at the anticipation of Christopher’s realization as to what awaited him in the room.

“A surprise?” Buck heard the little boy ask quietly.

Eddie squatted down next to the door, presumably facing his son on the other side of the door.

“Sí, hijo,” he murmured happily, “are you ready?”

“Yes,” the little boy agreed softly.

Eddie swung the door open, and Buck watched as Christopher’s eyes went immediately to him. His heart swelled as the little boy’s eyes went wide with joy and put on the biggest smile that Buck had ever seen.

“Bucky!” the little boy cried. He practically lurched towards Buck, almost as if trying to outmaneuver his crutches in an attempt to get across the hospital room that much faster. 

By the time that Christopher had crossed to Buck’s bed, the curly-haired boy’s smile and joy had also taken on a wave of tears. Caring only for the tears streaming down his face, Buck reached down for Christopher. He immediately pulled Christopher up onto the bed to comfort him, disregarding any of the equipment that seemed intent on screeching violently at Buck’s sudden movement.

But Buck didn’t hear any of it. He was too intent on cradling the boy to his chest, trying to comfort his sudden onset of emotion.

“Shhh,” Buck whispered as he ran his hand through the cap of curls, “what’s wrong, Christopher?”

“You’re okay,” Christopher finally managed to cry out into Buck’s hospital gown. That seemed to be all the little boy could manage for a time as he devolved into another set of soft cries.

Buck’s heart broke for the little boy in his arms. He hated how much Christopher seemed to be affected by this. His heart broke further at the realization that there wasn’t anything that he would have done differently. There was no other way Buck would have been able to take away Christopher’s pain. It had been Buck or Eddie in that apartment complex, and there was no choice between the two of them. And it was because of the little boy that now clung to him. Christopher needed his dad more than he needed his Buck.

“I’m okay, Christopher,” Buck murmured, trying to squeeze the little boy in order to physically reassure him of that. He maneuvered Christopher further atop him so that he could cradle the back of his head and hold him tighter. 

“I was worried you were going to go away like mommy,” Christopher whimpered into Buck’s neck. 

Buck thought briefly of a golden field, swirling blues, and pink sundresses with white polka dots. It tickled there at the back of his mind. Something there that he should maybe relay to Christopher or even Eddie.

“Nope, you’re stuck with me, Superman,” Buck murmured into the little boy’s ear.

Buck didn’t think he’d ever felt Christopher squeeze him so hard. It was as though the embrace went straight around his chest, making it difficult for him to breathe as he struggled with the realization of how much Christopher had been hurting.

“I missed you, Bucky,” he sniffled.

“I missed you too, Superman.”

Buck met Eddie’s eyes over Christopher’s head. Whatever tears Eddie had been able to hide or choke back from Buck up until now, had finally made their way forward. 

Buck looked at Eddie watch them with relief and happiness on his face. It was clear from Eddie’s expression that this was not the first time that Christopher had displayed his distress regarding Buck’s injury and subsequent coma. 

Before Buck could dwell on it too much, there was an authoritative knock on the door. 

Eddie suddenly straightened and wiped the tears from his face. The only remaining indicator that he had been crying at all was the red rimming around his eyes that had been there since Buck first woke up. 

“Come in,” Eddie called over his shoulder, his voice only cracking slightly from the emotion.

A severe-looking woman with glasses and a lab coat glided into the room. 

When her eyes fell on Eddie’s form, a warm smile appeared on her face.

“Mr Diaz, I see that you spent the night again.”

Eddie gave an embarrassed cough. 

“Dr Elysian,” he greeted. As his cheeks pinkened, he glanced over at Buck as though hoping the other man hadn’t heard the doctor.

Following Eddie’s gaze, the doctor looked at Buck in shock before practically running to the bed.

“Mr Buckley, you’re awake,” she gawked.

Seeming to remember herself, she hit a button to call for the nurse. She proceeded to check the data from the many machines that were currently surrounding Buck. Dr Elysian went about frantically writing a number of things onto a tablet that she had gotten from a charging station on the wall near his bed. 

Several nurses arrived while the doctor was asking Buck a number of questions regarding his pain levels. A number of them were memory questions that Buck found simultaneously amusing and a little annoying. He understood the necessity of all of it due to what Eddie had previously described regarding his injuries. After his accident and his broken leg, Buck had learned to be as honest and cooperative as he could be with his doctors. In the long run, it served him best.

However, when Dr Elysian went to move Christopher from Buck’s bed turned out to be the one exception to Buck’s willingness to cooperate.

“He stays,” Buck demanded quietly, wrapping his arm more tightly around the little boy who was still half lying on his chest and partially sitting on the bed.

“Mr Buckley --” the doctor began patiently.

“He stays,” Buck enunciated.

After a brief moment of glancing between the stubbornness in Buck’s face and the visible puffiness from crying on Christopher’s, Dr Elysian relented. She moved as efficiently as possible in disconnecting a few things that had been attached to different parts of Buck’s anatomy. 

The additional chance for Christopher to be able to be near Buck seemed to have had a calming effect on him. 

So, when the time finally came for the doctor to check Buck’s surgical incisions, Buck and Christopher were both more willing to be separated. The man felt that it was a necessary evil, as he was apprehensive about allowing Christopher or even Eddie to see what he looked like after the surgeries. He especially didn’t want the little boy to have nightmares or have any additional worry regarding his condition.

Dr Elysian helped Christopher to the floor and collect his crutches. 

The doctor and Buck both waited for Christopher to leave the room with Carla, who had been standing near the door with Eddie. Eddie and Carla whispered to each other for a few moments before Eddie shut the door. As he turned around, Eddie gave Buck a look that very clearly conveyed that he had no intention of leaving.

Picking up on the sentiment, Dr Elysian offered Buck a small smile as she removed the top of his hospital gown to examine his incision sites. 

As she went about her examination, the doctor couldn’t help but prattle, “In the face of such adversity, I find that I usually end up seeing two types of partners. The first is the kind who can’t handle whatever is being done to their loved one. They typically end up leaving or even making the situation about them. Not a very useful individual, I’m sure you understand.

“Then, there’s the second type. The type like your boyfriend here who I have been told by the nursing staff has barely left this hospital room in the past two weeks.” 

The doctor threw Eddie a mockingly-stern look over her shoulder before she proceeded to continue examining Buck’s torso. 

Buck simply lay there as he took in what the doctor had told him. Eddie hadn’t left the hospital in over two weeks.

“What about Christopher?” 

Eddie looked sheepishly at Buck, “I had him stay with my abuela and tía when he wasn’t here.”

“Christopher was here?” Buck was a little unhappy that the little boy had had to see him while he was in the condition that he was in. 

“Christopher heard you were in the hospital, and it was all I, the one-eighteen, or my family could do to get him to go to school or sleep somewhere that wasn’t this room. He practically went kicking and screaming each time,” Eddie explained with a shake of his head at the memory, “figuratively, of course, because if anyone raised their voice near your room, he was worried it would hurt your head and you wouldn’t heal.”

Buck stared at Eddie, who looked back at Buck with an expression of fond exasperation at the memory of how Christopher had taken the whole thing.

Before either man could dwell on it further, an excited knock rang out against the door. 

Knowing that it was Christopher, Buck quickly threw his gown back over his torso despite the pulling at his incisions and stitches. Dr Elysian seemed to notice Buck’s expression of pain at his actions and gave him a glare that probably would have reprimanded him at pretty much any other time. 

Having noted Buck’s rush, Eddie had crossed to the door to let Christopher back into the room.

The little boy’s eyes once more immediately fell on Buck. The look of relief that was in Christopher’s eyes made something in Buck’s chest whimper. He had a lot to make up to the kid for.

“Bucky,” Christopher yelled gleefully as he made his way over to Buck’s side once more, “Carla took me to the food court, and they had cotton candy ice cream there.”

Buck grinned at the idea that he would be able to start apologizing by being able to do this.

“Oh yeah?” Buck teased as he reached over to pick a smiling Christopher up, “Well then, that must make today Saturday and that we have some cartoons to watch.”

As Buck moved to actually pick Christopher up, he felt a sharp tug at the back of his hospital gown and found himself lying flat on his back. 

“Mr Buckley,” Dr Elysian nearly growled, “you are in no condition to lift more than five pounds over the next two weeks. And there will be more rules in addition to those. Am I clear?”

Buck pouted up at the doctor as Eddie carefully placed and arranged Christopher in his previous position on the bed with the containers of ice cream. As if sensing that Buck was getting ready to argue with his doctor, Eddie reached over to squeeze Buck’s hand in a gently chiding manner. Buck stayed silent at the non-verbal reprimand from Eddie and pouted mutinously over at the verbal reprimand from Dr Elysian.

Acknowledging the frown, Dr Elysian let out a deep sigh. 

“It is imperative that you adhere to my orders. You do not realize how lucky you are Mr Buckley. How very close you came to not being with us any longer,” she explained, while still trying to stay mindful of Christopher. 

“Three fractured ribs, two broken ribs, one collapsed right lung, over two-hundred milliliters of blood in the thoracic cavity, and a swollen temporal lobe and prefrontal cortex. Medically speaking, Mr Buckley,” the doctor said, glancing down over her glasses at him, “you’ve got someone watching over you.”

‘I promise, I’ll be watching over you, Buck. You and our boys,’ seemed to echo softly in his memories.

“I know,” Buck murmured with a soft smile.

Eddie gave him a strange look as the doctor left the room. 

Buck simply extended him a warm smile and leaned forward to offer the man he loved a soft kiss. That subtle pressure between them offering unspoken promises of always looking after one another, growing a family, and many future happy days.

As they separated, Buck looked down at Christopher. The boy looked up at him with an adoring smile, cheeks stuffed with cotton candy ice cream as he burrowed into Buck’s side.

Buck ran his hand over Christopher’s hair. The man was unsure if he was doing it to further comfort Christopher or reassure himself that this was real. Buck was here, with the little boy he adored, and the man that he loved. As he continued to card his fingers through Christopher’s curls, Buck turned his head and met Eddie’s eyes and all the sweet promises that were held there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's all folks! I hope that you enjoyed this fic. 
> 
> Also, if you liked this fic &/or my writing, I have a new fic that will be coming out some time within the next week-ish. It is going to be a much longer Buddie fic. It's an Undercover!Buck AU, the summary and more info will be released on my Tumblr (@nyx-ic) for that later this week! 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, commenting, and kudos! <3


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